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Oh I wrote a book

"We are not broken; we do not need fixing; we don't need teaching; we just need to accept who we are." Panache Desai


After a beautiful night out with J.P. Barnaby and Kage Alan, I have been inspired to write again.  Lately, this has been difficult.  My mind is not in the right space at the moment.  You really have to watch what you wish for.  For those that do not know, my day job has me running a restaurant just outside of Detroit.  Anyone that has worked it knows that some times are more difficult than others, and we are in one of those times. 


While not going into details, the manager I came into assist has finally retired (only four months later than she was suppose to) and getting the store to get use to this fact is always difficult. New managers coming in, staffing changes, schedule changes; it can take a toll on you.

One of the ways I deal with this is through meditation.  I picture myself bathed in light, creating a shield where only positive can flow in.  Breathe in the life giving air and breathe out the toxic CO2.  It helps most of the time. 

When I am too stressed to meditate, which for me is when my mind will not quiet, when the voices won’t shut up and I feel as if I am not ok, I tend to head to the park.  I have found that it is very difficult to be upset while you are flying high on a swing and feeling the sunshine warm your face.  I believe it goes back to my childhood, sitting on the porch swing with my grandmother or my mother and feeling as if nothing in the world can harm me.  Swings are safe for me, find what is safe for you and your life will get better.

I have once heard stress defined as wishing things were different than they really are. I try to come back to this moment and not try to not worry about another one where the stress usually comes from.  The moment I am in is hardly ever stressful; it is the worry of other moments either in the past or the future that cause issues. 

Remembering that there is ebb and flow to life can help.  There will always be troubles looming but there are always blessings all around you.  The day is neither good or bad it just is. Our perceptions color our experience.  Remember that the sun comes up and goes down and our artificial light hurts our natural rhythm sometimes.  We forget that we can’t always be bathed in light. The dark exists and is just as natural.

Having a partner has helped me and hurt me.  Anyone that has been in a long term relationship can attest to the fact that it isn’t always easy.  The love affairs of movies rarely goes into what a real relationship looks like just as it doesn’t show anyone using the restroom.  There is more to life than what any media will ever tell you.  Your experience is not abnormal just as mine is not abnormal.


In the end, remembering that I have a voice, a light that is unique to me can be a comfort. You never know what you mean to someone. Once I was helped by a woman at the bus stop.  I was living in Florida at the time and had just learned that my family had imploded due to a tragedy and I didn’t think I was going to afford to get home. She said to me, “Your troubles will always be here, but your connection to your family and friends need to be nourished in order to be sustained.”  Somehow I found the money to make it home, and couldn’t imagine why I wouldn’t have now.

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